Category Archives: Google Makes Me Giggle

Longest. Spam Comment. Evah.

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Hello Webmaster, I noticed that http://prosenylund.com/2011/09/17/how-to-fuck-well/ is ranking pretty low for some keywords, this may be due to the new Google Panda update, or it could be due to a variety of other factors. I’m sure you already know about On-page SEO, where Google cares highly about proper formatting of various H1/H2/H3 tags, having your main keyword appear in the beginning of your post and having your post end with the keyword, along with having keyword related alt tags and very relevant LSI. However, you do not seem to have the proper Keywords or relevant Keywords in your posts and in the website. Right now you need a tool or plugin that will allow you to check on Keyword insights, search trends and check for backlink analysis and to find out your Keyword competition. To find a Keyword Plugin that combines both Keyword Research and has the ability as a Rank Checker is what WordPress Seo Keyword, please check out our 5 minute video.

Yeah, I’ll get to that  5 minute video, right after I find out who kidnapped the Lindbergh baby; the person/people really responsible for the Kennedy assassination; where Amelia Earheart’s been hanging out for the past 60-odd years, and what the hell’s been keeping Keith Richards alive.

Okay, That’s Just About Enough, Buddy.

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how to fuck well (again)

how to fuck

fuck well

prose fuck

“sex change” fiction

Jennifer Weiner erection (??)

I’m convinced this is the same person. At first I thought it was funny, but enough is enough!

Pretty sure porn would help ‘em with at least three of the six search terms, though.

This Ain’t Funny No Mo’.

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This is the second time someone has found my blog while searching for porn. The hell is going on, man? There ain’t nothin’ even close to porn on here! But this time, the keywords make “Sienna West getting fucked in the woods” sound like a Raffi song. This time, someone was looking for…they wanted…aw hell, I’ll just come out and type it:

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The Saga of the Rotating Nipple

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Back when I was seventeen, I was a pretty shitty writer, even though I’d been writing since I was eight. But I hadn’t found my “voice” yet (and only have just recently) , and made poor reading choices (see previous post).

You know how they say you are what you eat? Well, you also write what you read. I read crap, so I wrote crap. Which is probably why I never really finished the novel I’d been trying to write since I was fifteen. My attempts at such a goal were plentiful but laughable, and lasted only one or two chapters.

But none were more laughable than the one I was writing my last year of high school. Unfortunately, I burned the thing ( and I reallllly wish I hadn’t so I could post it here), but I do remember that it was about a girl who was sleeping with her sister’s fiancé. (Totally original, right?) I don’t think it was more than two chapters, but the first one was pretty significant, because it involved the main character lying post-coitus in the arms of her forbidden flame. Which is funny since this was written by someone who despises romance novels. So she’s lying there describing how she feels being in his arms, the way his bedroom looks and other various innocuous bullshit. The prose was very trite and very purple, making for an unremarkable scene.

If it weren’t for the rotating nipple.

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Stop It. You’re Killing Me.

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why did lauren conrad come up with the title la candy?

Oh, honey, you’re so naïve. Her publishers did. And you’re so stupid. It should be “how”, not “why”.

I admire the beneficial details you offer inside your posts. I will bookmark your blog and check back here frequently. I’m pretty positive I will learn a whole lot of new things proper here! Regards: SB2011LAIN_AING

Yeah. This couldn’t possibly be a spambot due to the oh-so-human name. But at least it’s another British spambot: “New things proper!” Indeed.

But beneficial details? From a post that includes this:

Cherish was sorry he hadn’t smacked his head or probably erect penis into the coffee table.

Actually, Cherish didn’t care if The Woman Who Looks Like Her Sisters was lying dead in a ditch. In fact, she hoped she was.

That night, Cherish woke up prematurely, thanks to a nightmare about burning flesh and screaming.

Once again, Cherish resisted the urge to toss her beverage in the other woman’s face.

She found them banging three days later on the…couch.

Ok then.

It Just Keeps Getting Better.

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The latest in weird search terms to find my blog: “alcohol birthday”.

I have NO clue how this is even closely related to Prose Nylund. (And of course, makes me curious of what the searcher was looking for in the first place, what prompted them to use these two words together.)

Though it does remind me of my 25th birthday, where I drank so much (including my first shot of tequila, natch) that I got cut off in the dining area of the restaurant where I was celebrating, so I went to the bar and proceeded to order a pitcher of beer (no, I didn’t drink it all myself). Then, after being driven home by some friends of mine, I fell out of the backseat of the car – whereupon it was discovered I’d been sitting on my takeout carton – and onto the driveway.

So I had to be escorted to my front door by two of my friends – each one holding me up by either arm – both of whom I hugged so hard I popped one of the balloons I was holding while doing so and proceeded to tell my entire street, “THANKS FOR TAKING ME HOOOOOOME!!” The night ended with me passing out in bed, and the next morning began with me puking my brains out.

Now that was an alcohol birthday.

(Part 9 of The Bitches is coming, I swear! By the moon and the stars and the sky!)

“taking bitches by storm groups on face book”

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I don’t know what the eff this means, but this is the search term that led someone to my blog. Obviously, they happened upon it because of The Bitches, but I wonder what exactly what they wanted to find initially. Unless there’s a Facebook group called “Taking Bitches By Storm”? Hol’ on, I’mma investigate.

No, there is not. Okay then. The mystery continues.